Indian society is patriarchal, there is no denying this fact. However, the concept of patriarchy is highly convoluted among the general population. Oxford Dictionary defines patriarchy as “a society, system or country that is ruled or controlled by men“. Cambridge Dictionary further adds to it as “a society controlled by men in which they use their power to their own advantage“.

Growing up in a strong patriarchal society, my version is “a society where males dominate over females in almost every important aspect of life“. This ranges from minor stuffs like what to cook in lunch to major decisions like financial investment options. This often leads to pressurizing the males with all ‘difficult‘ outdoorsy activities and the females with ‘simple‘ household chores so that they can please the males.

Unfortunately, even females feel this as the normal way that a society functions. As a result, even working women tend to look up to male members for advice before proceeding with any decisions – not because they are any less competent or are unsure, but because this is the way they have been hardwired since birth. Of course, there are exceptions, and we end up worshipping these handful of women like Jacinda Ardern, Angela Merkel, Sudha Murthy, or Indra Nooyi.

What the society often misunderstands is the balance between masculine and feminine in order to ensure the best way forward. If a wife leaves her job to take care of the child, it’s her duty; but if the husband even takes a sabbatical for the child, eyebrows are raised. Same eyebrows are raised when a father feeds and cleans the baby instead of the mother. Unfortunately, majority of these eyebrows also belong to women. Questions are raised on the husband’s masculinity if he is not dominating the wife or helping her in household or child-raising chores.

The truth is that husband and wife are like two wheels of a bicycle. Both need to work in tandem and in sync so that the bicycle can move forward. There is no space for dominance for either of them — only support.

Let’s normalize male participation in raising a child — it’s not only the mother’s job. Plus, the child needs support of both parents. Let’s find a balance between the husband and wife so that there is no pressure on either of them and the load is distributed properly. Let’s focus on clearly understanding the other gender’s mindset, expectations, likes and dislikes, so that constructive decisions are made for the betterment of the society. Let’s focus on coexistence rather than dominance and impart the same practice among our children.

Chores need hands, not gender bias.

Only the action counts, the doer is always pious.